Running away
by winnie-chair
Summary: Chuck bass's stream of consciousness post 2.21


_I felt really emotionally strung by this song after watching seder anything. Chuck Bass is finally growing up and realized his own mistakes. GREAT ;] my english is kind of broken because i am not a native and it's written in such a messy style which i find it too crappy but i really really want to say what i felt. So feel free to give me helpful advice and suggestions. I will take it humbly and improve bits by bits. xoxo _

_Disclaimer: i never own chuck bass. and yeah, if i do. 1. CB will be all over each other right now 2. CV would never have happened. big mistake. duh_

_I __was feeling sad__Can't help looking back  
Highways flew by__Run, run, run away_

I thought fleeing to Bangkok could help leaving everything behind.

But No. Running away used to be my forte but this time. You appear on and off in my dreams, my delusions. I really thought you have come to rescue even when I told you to stay away. The more I smoke the hash, the more sorrow overwhelms me. I know I will never be good for you. You are too perfect and pristine and who am I? (snickered) I'm Chuck Bass.

_No sense of time__Want you to stay  
Want keep you inside__  
Want you to be my prize_

I lost track of time and ever since then, I just did whatever came up to me. Finally, when Elle threw the words at me, it was the sudden blow to my reason. I realized I have lost you. I waited for you at your place for the whole night just wanting to see you after such a long time. But you never returned. And when you are rejected by Sarah Lawrence scumbag, there's nothing else I want to do besides holding you and making you feel safe. I couldn't bear seeing your perfect life falling apart.

_Run, run, run away  
Lost, lost, lost my mind  
Want you to stay  
Want you to be my prize_

Seeing the Gossip girl blast wasn't easy for me. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered and shattered into thousand pieces, the pain was too unbearable almost like suddenlly my colored world was turned into black-and-white. But then I hit on my epiphany.. My plan backfired. Sleeping with vanessa doesn't make iit better, hanging with swimmers, ballerina, stripper just lessen the aches in my heart, giving the façade of my womanizer old self. But deep inside, I knew, it was the same feeling when I saw you going up the stairs with Nate after the debutante ball, when I saw you hooking up with him in the swimming pool, when I saw you kissing in the school whilst you intentionally did it to antagonize me (and yeah, it worked., Waldorf.) and when I saw Nate's jacket at your place. Security and comfort. Easiness and straightforwardness. I never had any good idea of how to fix you because all the way it was you who came to fix me to help me to make me feel wanted. So I left. You are the only one I feel so emotionally attached for the first time and very possibly the last time.

_All along, not so strong without these open arms  
Hold on tight  
All along, not that strong without these open arms  
Lie beside  
All along, not so strong without these open arms  
Ride beside_

Bottles after bottles, pots after pots, women after women, hangovers after hangovers. My heart is numb. Still my minds never stop hovering on the night when you hugged me at the Rose wedding, our pretense was off and we connected into one. I couldn't stop thinking about that night nearly jumping off the roof and it was you who pulled me back with your commando voice yet petite body. And I m losing every bit of me. I will never have you.

_Run, run, run away  
Lost, lost, lost my mind  
Want you to stay  
Want you to be my prize_

"It's stupid for you to want her to be anything other than she is." He can never see right through you for who you are. All along he never realized how amazing you are and beneath your cold, bitchy act, your insecure dubious self. My prize, for now, is to stop him from hurting you again. I already see it coming. Very soon, he will sleep with somebody, using very lame excuse to break up with you, saying that you are not good enough. No, he is not good enough for you. Nobody is. But I want you. Three words, eight letters, the simplest words and the hardest words. I will. Someday.


End file.
